so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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