guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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