remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS