I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
