Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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