did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
