he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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