So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
