Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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