That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
