Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
