i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
