Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
