It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
