R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
