I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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