walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
