So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
