I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
