My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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