also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
