we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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