you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
