i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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