I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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