I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
