Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
