don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
