She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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