gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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