gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
