would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just found puke in my bra..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
