Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
