Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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