I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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