Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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