pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
