Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
