The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
