the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Never underestimate the power of titties
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
