oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
But theres a keg here and me gusta
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
