I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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