then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
