Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
