I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
