Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
