When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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