i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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