Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
