Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
