Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
