now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
