Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
