Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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