Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
