fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
