White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
someone owes me an orgasm
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
