seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
