i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
