Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I could fuck to npr.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
