did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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