: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i was born a porn star she said
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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