I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
