so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
