i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
