I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
