Barsexuality is the new black.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
