Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
