Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
