I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
