So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
