My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
