Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
