omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
