when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
