The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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