one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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