We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
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just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
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I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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