I just made out with a guy for $7.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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