haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
