you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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