i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
