Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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