Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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