Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sober January is a disaster.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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