Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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