Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
